Articles on Divorce: Children

1. It will encourage your child to resent, fear, lie and retaliate, rather than to love, trust, remain trustworthy, and cooperate.
   
   
2. It will exclude and alienate your child from you and the rest of your family.
   
   
3. It will steal your child's self esteem, and thereby cripple your child's psychological development and ability to function outside of your home in the future.
   
   
4. It will teach your child that abuse is an acceptable and expected part of family relationships. When your child grows up, your child will probably carry on the family tradition, and abuse your grandchildren.
   
   
5. In a pending family law action, the Court may award sole custody of your child to the other parent, and allow you to see your child only in the presence of a monitor. The court my order you to participate, and to pay for: anger management classes; or, a 52 week domestic violence class; or, counseling; or, a combination of the three, before the court will allow you to see your child more often or at all.
6. The court may also issue various domestic violence restraining orders against you, including, but not necessarily limited to:
   
   
   1. forbidding you to contact the child, and the other parent, and your other children, with few or no exceptions.
      
      
   2. forcing you to stay at least a certain distance away from the child, and the other parent, and your other children, with few or no exceptions.
      
      
   3. forcing you to move out of your own house, perhaps immediately.
   
   
7. If the court issues any domestic violence restraining orders against you, your name and the details of the restraining orders will be a public record, and will probably be included in various state and national databases. These databases will be open to all governmental agencies, and perhaps to your present and potential future employers. If you are employed in any position of public or private trust, you may lose your job, and never find a similar one again. In addition, it will almost always be a serious misdemeanor or felony for you to own, purchase, or even possess, a firearm of any kind.
   
   
8. The Department of Children's Protective Services, or whatever it's called in your county, may seize custody of your children, and file a dependency law action against you. The court will place your children, temporarily or permanently, with either: the other parent; or, a close relative; or, a foster parent. The court may order you to pay some or all the expenses of your children's care. In dependency cases, the court is very likely to order you to participate, and to pay for: anger management classes; or, a 52 week domestic violence class; or, counseling; or, a combination of the three, before the court will allow you to see your child more often or at all.
   
   
9. You may be prosecuted and convicted of one or more child abuse related crimes. This would result in either: fines; or, incarceration; or, anger management classes; or, a 52-week domestic violence class; or, a combination of these. It would also force you to live with the stigma of being a convicted child abuser for the rest of your life.
   
   
10. If the other parent retains my office, you will probably have to contend with me (Heaven help you) in a protracted family law or dependency law custody dispute, and your chances of experiencing at least some of these consequences will dramatically improve.
    
    
11. Your child may exclude you from part or all of the child's adult life. For example, you might not be invited to your child's wedding, or not be allowed any contact or relationship with your grandchildren. Fortunately, there are ways of getting your children to mind their manners, without resorting to assault and battery on their bodies, and without decimating their self-esteem with psychological abuse. If you don't already know and actually apply these secrets, you have the following two options:
    

    Option 1: you can attend a reputable parenting class, take notes, periodically review those notes, and (here's the most important part) actually apply what you have learned; or,
    
    Option 2: you and your child will suffer some or all of the consequences described above.
    
    Choose Option 1. Yes, it sometimes takes the patience and resolve of a saint, but it will be well worth it. Other parents before you, with far less intelligence, resources, and incentive, have done it; so can you. Besides, the consequences of Option 2 are utterly unacceptable. If you stick with Option 1, you, your child, and your grandchildren, will enjoy far more of your lives together, for years to come.

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